weight issues

12.11pm

im kinda surprised  at myself that i actually got up early this morning and put on my sporting outfit and trainers and went for a brisk walk around my neighborhood. this is very unlike me. hahahhaa...i admit shamefully that i've not been exercising for the past few years.

i know that people have told me that i should get my act together and start working out again, be it going for a swim(and not just laze by the pool and get a tan, which i would normally love to do when im at the poolside or at the beach!) or a jog/walk. whatever it takes, dont be so bloody lazy, so im told many times. sigh

you know, sometimes its just so hard to decide, whether to have a lie in and laze in bed or to get up and go out for a brisk walk or jog or swim. more often than not, the bed usually wins, hands down. there's no fight really. can you fault me?? i dont like sports generally. on top of that, i have 2 left feet. i cant even dance properly! sheesh..

so mmm...thats why today, beginning of the year so to speak, i did my first brisk walk. i reckon i did about 2-2.5km walk around the neighborhood. oggling at people's houseso r should i say mansions, along the way.  im  so amazed at how filthy rich these folks are!

anyways, for the first half of this year, my goal is to try to lose some weight. that's right. what motivates me this time round (yes! i gotta have some kinda motivation in order to lose weight and stay healthy) i would say is Big Bang or TOP from Big Bang. yup...he's good enough of a reason right? wait wait, i know what you guys are thinking. she will never meet him. what the hell is she thinking? well, perhaps you are right but do i look like i care? at least im doing something to keep me a bit more healthier and at the same time drop some pounds if i can. so fingers crossed, neh!! as it is, i've been cutting down on eating carbs and only having some protein and veggies and fruits in my daily meals. trying to steer clear of oily, deep fried foods and desserts! oh how i love desserts but i gotta resist, this is only temporarily so i keep telling myself.

do you agree that its so easy to put on weight and so hard to lose it? why is it so? shoot!!really i hate it. i've tried numerous diets and even went to a popular weight management centre, which honestly didnt really help me at all. those people "robbed" me of around $8k. and i didnt even complete the sessions because i felt it was such a big waste of my time and energy just to drive over to the place and find a parking and mind you, parking was a horror in that area!

and then those fad diets that i've tried over the years. doesnt really work. having said that, i think the only one that actually made me lose some weight was the dukan diet. i only followed it for 8 days. just for that ,i lost 4kgs. you can go check out their website and read all about it. its pretty simple to follow.

why do i go on these diets when i know for sure, the easiest and safest way to lose weight and stay healthy is to eat less, in smaller portions, cut  sugar and salt intake and just exercise at least 40 minutes (to get the heart rate going) for  about 3-4 times a week. beats me man. i'll just do it my way!

now while growing up, i've been a chubby kid from kindie right up to my late teens. i only lost weight after i turned 18/19. and ever since then, its been yoyo-ing back and forth. now, let me tell you, in high school whenever i got invited for birthday parties at my friends houses, boys would also invited and there was dancing involved. unfortunately for me, nobody paid much attention to me. my girlfriends who were my close friends back then, were asked by the boys to dance, they'd pair up and there i was, left out in the cold. sometimes i would be alone, sometimes im with other people who are the loners or should i say, losers like me. i felt like a wallpaper, just blending in with the walls. unattractive to the male species. hahahaha... but honestly, i wished that the ground would just open up and swallow me whole. so i dont have to endure that crap. still haunts me till today.

and then a miracle happened to me. after i hit 19 i think, i lost some weight and the guys who didnt give a hoot about me back in high school, started paying attention to me!! aaaahhh...and thats how i know that these guys are only looking at me from the outside, not from the inside. they want a pretty girl walking arm in arm with them just to show off. well, i didnt give them my time of day. these guys are just plain shallow if you asked me. 

you know, i'll share with you a little story. a true one at that. one of my girlfriends back in high school used to like a guy from another school and i thought that they were a couple. so anyways, after O levels we split up and went our separate ways to further our education. but we still kept in touch. now one fine day, she rings me up and asks me if i would like to join her and her boyfriend(still wasnt entirely sure if they were still a couple because i never bothered asking) at the roller skating rink. well what the heck right? i had nothing better to do, might as well join them.

so,off i went to meet them. and you know what, during the entire outing, i felt that her boyfriend was paying more attention to me than to my friend! i tried to keep my distance from him coz it didnt feel right. and he confirmed my suspicion. when my friend went to the bathroom, he took the opportunity to approach me and asked me if i would like to go for a movie with him sometime and that he's always preferred me to my friend!! imagine that!! he says as i recall, that my friend was coming on too strong and he wasnt really that into her even though they have been "dating".  he says he preferred my kind of personality and character. OMG!!

well, i never told my girlfriend about it, ever, even till today! i didnt want to hurt her and i never went out with that guy or spoke to him after that incident, although he did ring me a couple of times to ask me out (i think he got my number from my friend).  but each time i turned him down. there's no point really because i never liked him. and also it wasnt nice of him to say "not-so-nice" things about my friend behind her back to me. why am i telling you this? what's it gotta do with weight? well, i had lost weight then and only then he paid attention to me! i mean how shallow is that? i dont need guys like that in my life!

to end this, let me just say that im still very weary of compliments that i get from family or friends. i cant accept them as its hard for me to. i dont know why. i always think in my mind that people are lying to me when they compliment me and just saying the right things just to make me feel good about myself. when i look at myself in the mirror, i know what i will always see - a chubby grown up kid with weight issues and constantly questioning myself - "am i fat? look at me, im still fat!!" aargghhh...

i'll just add my "motivation" picture for you to oggle. (or not). taken from bigbangupdates.com website. big bang was at the samsung blue festival held in nanjing,china recently. isnt he just an angel?!

ttfn

1.28pm